No Place Like Home
by Bobbie23
Summary: AU. A celebration brings people home. (I'm awful at summaries, please don't hold it against me)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer – I don't own, just borrowing for amusement.**

 **Author note – This was written before the season seventeen premier in the hope that Fin would become a sergeant. It is AU as far as it concerns Elliot, and it takes on the premise that he and Olivia have kept contact off screen since he retired at the beginning of season thirteen. If you're too shy to leave a review, send me a PM to let me know what you think of the story or if you want more. I am mainly working on one shots but this idea was too long for one chapter. It's not a long story, but I think this deserves another chapter or two. Heavy on sap and light hearted moments with no angst in sight, that's the intention any way. I have no idea what's wrong with me.**

 **Unfortunately, (or fortunately, depending how you feel) no minions were harmed while writing this.**

No Place Like Home

' _Though we drifted apart in distance I still think of you as being right here. And although we have many new friends, it is our friendship that means the most to me._ _'_

Olivia sat with her phone pressed to her ear as she listened to Dodds drone on about the latest headline which has caused him a headache this morning. She winced as he called out her counterpart in Brooklyn, emphasising that particular fuck up better not happen in Manhattan. Her eyes wandered out into the squad room. Her team's heads were down and focusing on their work, every once in a while Fin or Amanda would glance at the little boy kneeling on the chair beside Amanda's desk. Noah had wandered out there soon after she answered the phone nearly half an hour ago and headed straight for Amanda, who smiled brightly at him when he emerged alone from Olivia's office, quickly settling next to her when she made space for him on the corner of her desk. The younger woman met her eyes after Noah made a grab for a pencil and nodded to say Noah was fine where he was. He didn't notice them or feel her gaze as his head was bent over the construction paper Fin had got him from the play room.

"T'ank Oo Unca Fin," Noah had said softly when the paper and crayons were placed in front of him silently with a conspiratorial wink. The aging newly appointed sergeant may not be the most comfortable around young kids but his chest puffs out proudly whenever Noah utters Unca Fin.

Olivia smiles as Noah startles the rest of her team by sitting up suddenly and pulling on his bright yellow shirt with the face of a minion on the front. "I'm a min'on," he declares to his audience. Amanda smiles fondly and Fin allows a chuckle to escape while Carisi rolls his chair to the opposite end on the joined desk and points at himself.

"Sonny got you that shirt," he tells Noah.

"C'isi got me shirt," Noah replies less enthusiastically than before and Sonny's face falls. This makes Amanda laugh and she covers it with the back of her hand so not to encourage the little boy. Olivia didn't blame her; it takes a lot of self-control to smother her own. She doesn't know whether Noah does it on purpose but he, along with the rest of them, refuses to use Carisi's first name.

"Nah, Noah's my minion," Fin argues and Noah nods his head enthusiastically.

Carisi rolls away in defeat and after a few minutes they resume their own tasks and watching Noah. Olivia looks at her watch, Lucy will be here soon. She wants to get Noah ready to leave before that happens. It's not because she doesn't love spending time with him whenever she can, she hates having to bring him here and expose him to this environment but she has little choice. He is well behaved when he's here and loves seeing the rest of the team and they love seeing him. She trusts them not to use this against her and inform Dodds of Noah's presence in the squad. She isn't worried about the reprimand he'd give so much as she worries about her sons' safety and the possibility of one of their perps seeing him and making him a target to use against her.

Dodds is still talking and she meets Fin's eyes through her open door. She scowls and when he smirks back she shakes her head. His phone beeps in his pocket and she watches him take it out of his pocket to check the message. Olivia hopes whatever it is it won't take him out of the squad while she's still listening to Dodds. On cue her own pocket vibrates but she doesn't check it because she hopes she'll be free from listening to Dodds soon.

Olivia enviously watches Fin read the message before he tucks the phone back into his pocket and says something to Amanda who shakes her head her lips twisting into a humorous sneer before she checks on Noah again who has decided not to show her his picture till it's done.

Thankfully Dodds mini tirade seems like it is coming to an end and she expels a quiet sigh of relief. He reiterates his point of not repeating Brooklyn's mistake and abruptly hangs up the phone without so much as a goodbye.

Olivia breathes out and she replaces the phone back on the base unit and she sits back in her chair, her muscles revelling from being hunched over in the same position for so long. She rolls her neck and lets out a groan as it clicks. After a moment she pushes up from her chair and walks towards the bullpen. Her phone vibrates again in her pocket and she pulls it out to check the message.

She's typing in her code as she approaches Noah's chair from behind. Resting her hand on the back she looks over his shoulder at the scribbles of yellow and blue which form what she assumes is meant to be a minion. Noah senses her appraisal and twists his head to look at her, smiling when he realises it's her. She strokes a hand over his hair reassuringly and he goes back to his picture. Her eyes slide onto the phones' screen as the message appears.

Olivia frowns when she sees it's from Munch and sees that it's been sent to Fin, Cragen and Elliot as well. She tosses the phone on to the desk next to Noah, who snatches it up quickly to play with; thankfully the screen automatically locks after a few seconds. Olivia turns to Fin. "Munch wants a reunion?"

"Yeah, he's getting sentimental in his old age," Fin offers.

"Don't let him here you say that," Amanda advises from across their desks.

"I won't," Fin replies.

"Maybe he's getting married again," Amanda wonders out loud and the incredulous looks she receives for her curiosity makes her duck her head and redirect her attention back to her paper work.

"Don't let him here you say that," Fin stares at his partner for a long beat. "There's too much paperwork involved for it to be that." he dismisses drolly with a shake of his head and Amanda rolls her eyes. "He wants to celebrate our promotions. When's Stabler coming back to New York?" He asks Olivia.

"He's visiting next week," she answers.

Elliot had been in Vegas for the last year and a half setting up a security business with a friend, trying to establish connections with the casinos. He hasn't been home since, his children choosing to visit him there on their college breaks rather than return to New York. She misses him and it took a while for her to get used to his absence in the squad room after he retired. He eventually returned her calls a few weeks after Cragen broke the news to her and apologised for shutting her out, explaining that he had been convinced to talk through his anger with a therapist. Since then his presence in her life has been less significant than it was before. She was still just as busy with work and he wanted to distance himself from that while he was dealing with his issues, so their interaction became the rare drink when they could fit it into their schedules.

That was until her abduction. He only got angry once. He'd managed to convince a friend Olivia didn't know to slip him the report, which only contained barely any details. He raged at himself, drank the best part of a bottle of whiskey and then attempted to take it out on the punch bag he set up in his garage. Kathleen found him lying on the concrete floor with a bloody nose from where he'd obviously swung but was too drunk to actually connect with the bag and he'd fallen to the floor. He hadn't been able to pick himself up, just laid there mumbling her name over and over again. Well, that's what Kathleen told her when she phoned. Once he sobered up Olivia told him she needed his support rather than drinking himself into a drunken stupor over misplaced, self-imposed guilt. She's had enough of that in her life.

After that talked semi-regularly until he got offered the chance to buy into a security company in Vegas a few weeks before Noah came to live with her. Since then, their talks turned into video chats every couple of weeks, sometimes with Noah, sometimes without. And she likes that she's able to talk through her insecurities with her former partner, whether they be of being a new parent or running the unit. He's happy for her, urging her not to give up when things got too hard. They've never meet in person but Noah is thoroughly entertained during their conversations with 'E'iot', laughing at the faces her friend makes at him on the screen of her tablet.

Friend.

It's nice to call him that when she's aware his departure from the force could have gone completely differently.

"He gonna meet Noah?" Fin asks breaking her from her reverie.

"Yeah, he's coming over on Saturday." She's got to admit she's a little apprehensive of how that meeting will go. It's one thing for them to meet via a screen but completely different for it to happen face to face. She has no idea why she feels insecure about it, Elliot's been nothing but supportive. Olivia glances down at Noah. He's content tapping at the numbers on pass code screen, trying to unlock it. Carisi's phone rings and he answers it loudly, drawing her attention. Seconds later he announces a body has been dragged from the river with signs of sexual assault. As he and Rollins get up to leave, Lucy arrives to collect Noah. The coy looks exchanged between the sitter and the newest member of the team as they exchange greetings doesn't go unnoticed by the rest of them, though none of them comment.

"You okay with that?" Fin asks her quietly.

Though she feels protective of Lucy it's not her place to offer judgement about who she dates. "She could do a lot worse and his heart is in the right place."

Fin accepts her answer with a small bob of his head. She doesn't have any time to say anything else as Noah taps her hand and holds out her phone. "Mama, it E'iot," he says quietly, his tiny voice full of guilt.

Olivia takes the phone and sure enough Elliot is staring back at her, looking as confused as she is. "Elliot? I didn't hear the phone ring."

"I didn't ring, I think Noah called me," he says with a smile. "Smart kid."

"Yeah," Olivia drawls. At least it was Elliot he called and not Dodds. Besides her, Fin chuckles and reaches around her to ruffle Noah's hair before sitting in his and returning to his paperwork. She looks down at her son who was looking back at her, his eyes wide as he attempts to look as innocent as possible. Even at two he understands he's done something he shouldn't have. "Noah, did you phone Elliot?"

Noah just shrugs and quietly says, "Uh huh."

Olivia sighs. "I'm sorry Elliot."

"It's fine, my kids did worse," Elliot brushes it off. "Did you get this invite from Munch?"

She smiles gratefully and sees Lucy come to stand on the other side of Noah. "I did and so did Fin, I'm sorry to cut this short because I have to get my cheeky little boy ready to go with Lucy. Talk to you later?"

"Sounds good," he confirms, unoffended. "I'll see you next week. Bye Noah thanks for calling."

Noah lifts up onto his toes and peeks at the screen. "Bye E'iot," he says scrunching his hand.

"Thanks El," Olivia says disconnecting and turns to Noah. "Come on little man let's get your coat so you can go with Lucy."

"No coat," Noah replies as he eagerly jumps down from his chair and runs into her office.

 **TBC?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Note – it's been a while so I'll keep this short. A small reference to** _ **Inconceivable.**_ **Please read and review.**

No Place Like Home – chapter two

Olivia watches in interest as Noah sneaks around the back of her sofa, peeking over it at their guest with every few steps he makes. He's trying hard not to laugh and she can't help but smile. She knows where this is going.

Fortunately, so does their guest.

She bites her lip as Elliot indulges Noah and pretends not to notice him as he approaches the end of the sofa. They've done this three times while she's been preparing coffee for her and Elliot. Noah stops at the end of the sofa, peeks around it to see if Elliot is looking at him. Elliot plays into it, pointedly looking anywhere but at Noah and Olivia can't stop the laugh that escapes. Noah admonishes her with a shake of his head.

"Ssh Mama," he says in a loud whisper and puts his finger to his lips. She mirrors the action back at him and tries not to laugh again when he casts her with a doubtful appraisal and a small shake of his head. A few seconds later he peeks around the sofa again to find Elliot pretending he hasn't heard any of the exchange between them.

As Noah prepares to spook him, Elliot suddenly ducks down on the sofa, edging towards the end where Noah is hiding. Olivia smothers her mouth with her hand as Noah jumps out with a loud "Boo" only to have Elliot shouting it back to him, shocking the toddler to silence in the process. Seconds later Noah's lip starts to quiver but before his shock can turn to tears Elliot scoops him up and starts tickling him.

Olivia relaxes when Noah's laughter fills the room. Tearing her eyes from the scene she picks up the coffee cups and walks into the living room, sitting next to Elliot as he settles Noah on his lap. Once comfortable, Noah looks up at her.

"Mama, E'iot scare me," he declares with a big smile.

"I know, you were going to scare him too," Olivia replies.

"Yeah," Noah agrees with a nod and then reaches forward for his sippy cup on the coffee table, completely unaware of the smile the adults share.

Her eyes meet Elliot's and hold. "Thank you," she says quietly.

"What for?" Elliot asks.

"I don't know," Olivia sighs with a shake of her head.

Her anxiety had been building steadily for the last week she almost called the whole thing off. She tried to act normally when they skyped and maybe she was hyper aware of Elliot as they spoke but he seemed to withdraw as well and that only served to make her more nervous. She had been pacing the apartment all morning with Noah following her around because he thought it was a game. She stared stupidly at the door for a long moment when Elliot's loud knock echoed through the apartment and Noah was the one who raced to the door in anticipation, declaring they needed to see who was on the other side. She was spurred into action when Elliot knocked again and Noah answered him by knocking on their side of the door. Opening the door, she realised all of her worries were unfounded as she looked Elliot in the eye for the first time in over a year. His lopsided grin slowly grew across his face as he seemed just as relieved to see her. There was a pause and both inched forward, their arms widening to hug but they chickened out as Noah cried out Elliot's name and all of their focus was diverted to the toddler. Olivia quickly invited Elliot across the threshold. That anxious excitement hadn't completely disappeared but it was easier to ignore as Noah took centre stage. He was initially confused by Elliot's arrival and insisted on finding her phone, assuming that was how they would talk to Elliot even though he was with them in the apartment.

"Nervous?" Elliot offers, not satisfied with her answer. Olivia meets his eyes over Noah's head. Then he bumps her knee with his, careful not to jostle Noah. "Me too," he admits quietly.

"Why are you nervous?"

Elliot doesn't answer, his eyes bore into hers as if he's wondering how she will react. She hates that they second guess themselves or anything they want to say to one another. There was a time neither would have worried about it. She misses that time. She hasn't changed, she is still unwilling to let anyone see her as vulnerable. Elliot doesn't either, but something is clearly bothering him. So she bumps his knee this time. It works as his eyes soften as he flashes a quick smile before quickly looking around the room as he clears his throat.

"I know how long you've wanted all of this," he gestures at the pictures of Noah on the wall, his eyes pausing on them briefly before he turns back to Olivia. "And I was worried I would open my big mouth and ruin today."

"You haven't," Olivia assures him.

"Yeah, well, give it time," Elliot jokes with a small smile which doesn't reach his eyes.

"I think we're good, Noah likes you. He doesn't scare just anyone," she smiles.

At the sound of his name, Noah looks up. Holding out his cup to Olivia he says, "All gone Mama."

"You were thirsty, huh?" Noah nods in reply. "Do you want some more?" Olivia asks.

"No," Noah shakes his head, yawning as he snuggles further into Elliot. He grows quiet and Olivia knows what's coming. On cue Noah's mouth opens in a wide yawn. With a sigh he relaxes back and his eyes begin to dip as he yawns again. A few minutes pass as all three fall quiet as Noah lulls between consciousness and sleep. His quiet snores soon fill the silence and both adults watch the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest.

"I should probably move him to his bed," Olivia says when she's certain Noah is asleep but she's reluctant to do anything that will shatter the moment.

"He seems comfortable enough where he is," Elliot replies lifting his gaze from the boy to meet Olivia's.

"Yeah," Olivia bobs her head, clearing her throat. "So," she says awkwardly. "How's Vegas?"

"It's alright for the most part," Elliot answers with a grimace.

"You hate it." It may sound like a question but it's not one. She knows him. She knew the security company he bought into was doing well and had built a good reputation. She also knew the ostentatious city would piss him off.

"I really do," he agrees with a slow bob of his head. "The kids love it but they're not there all the time. I don't know," Elliot sighs. "It's…it's not…" he trails off.

"It's not what?" She presses. She's tempted to edge closer but instead her body turns more towards him.

"It's not home," Elliot finishes.

"What are you going to do?"

He stares back at her, hesitant again. "I'm moving back to New York," he says deliberately pausing to judge her reaction. When she gives none he elaborates. "We're expanding and we've been offered the opportunity to bid for a few security contracts here. I'm making the proposals this week."

It's hard to think of Elliot as anything other than a cop at times. It's harder to imagine Elliot delivering a speech to a bunch of businessmen. Despite his military and police training it's difficult for him to work with anyone he may perceive as looking down at him and he gets defensive in that type of situation. Still she says nothing. Not because she wants to hold back or spare his feelings but because she has nothing to say.

"Say something Liv," Elliot quietly says, a whisper come hiss, almost like he's begging.

"I don't know what to say, I don't know what you expect."

He looks hurt by her answer or lack thereof. This isn't her decision. This isn't even her life. This is what she was afraid of when they planned today. She never even realised it. While they had contact, their lives didn't revolve around one another anymore. It's taken a long time to get used to that. It would be nice to have him back in New York; it would be nice for Noah to know him properly, not just via camera or phone. She doesn't expect much will change though because they're both so busy with work and when she's not at work she's with Noah.

Elliot shakes his head. "I don't know what I expect."

"What do you mean?"

Elliot sighs. Then it hits her. He's asking for her permission; she isn't sure if he realises it or not. Their dynamic is shifting and he's asking her to make this decision for both of them. In the past their complications have stemmed from making decisions separately and then assume the other will be happy and comply with it. Of course it never ended the way either of them intended, other people and their rules dictated their lives. That obstacle won't be there if he moved back to New York and Elliot was offering her a chance to dictate their future. Only she doesn't want to shoulder that responsibility alone, doesn't want to shoulder the blame when it all went wrong.

"I don't know what you want, you don't need my approval Elliot," she tells him. "I'm not the reason you're moving back to New York."

"You're not the reason," he admits, promises. "You are a factor though." Again he watches her to gage her reaction but she doesn't know how he expects her to response. She is well aware of how her lack of reaction will put him on edge, how it puts her on edge the longer the silence continues.

"This is why you were nervous?" Olivia asks and Elliot nods. She sighs and licks her lips. "You don't need my permission."

"What if I want it?"

In all the time they've known each other they've never asked the other for it. She hates to think that their relationship may have deteriorated so much that Elliot feels like he needs or wants it. He never gave that impression whenever they spoke, but then intermittent contact via skype, email, or text is completely different from being face to face or even being in the same city, even if it is as large and vast as New York. Without realising it he's pushing her and with a burst of courage she can't help but push back, meeting his honesty with honesty.

"Do you want my permission? Or do you want me to say I want you here?"

"I want your opinion. I want to know my return isn't going to mess up your life." He shakes his head and looks down at Noah nestled in his arms. "Probably not a conversation we should have right now. He would be more comfortable in his bed," Elliot prompts while shifting Noah towards her carefully so not to disturb the sleeping child.

She moves automatically and it is almost seamless as he passes Noah to her. She needs a short break so she rises from the sofa and walks the short distance to Noah's room. Like she has done since he came to live her she lays Noah in his bed without rousing him, stroking his hair from his forehead as he rolls into his preferred sleeping position. She watches for a moment, trying to calm herself but her shock continues to fester. Disappointment in herself and Elliot and how quickly the situation devolves and their instinctual response to deflect when they're in a room alone. It's that disappointment that propels her from Noah's room.

"You never messed up my life Elliot," Olivia says as she emerges from the hallway to find him sitting in the same position she left him in. He looks like he's deep in thought but she knows it's his cover, pretending not to hear her when he's dwelling on her words. He only turns to her when she retakes her place on the sofa. "I never had the opportunity for this life when we worked together, and that was circumstance not you."

He doesn't answer and she knows he blames himself. She hates to admit that thought has crossed her mind once or twice. Deep down she knows it wasn't his fault. The first time she applied to adopt she was turned down because of her job and lack of outside support. From his vehement, unbidden utterance of _'They're wrong'_ she knew he would have helped however he could.

"Sometimes I feel like I held you back," Elliot admits quietly.

"Sometimes I hate that you blame yourself for everything even when it's out of your control." Despite themselves they both laugh. It's not a happy one and they sober quickly. "Elliot, my life isn't going to change if you move back to New York."

"You can't know that," Elliot argues.

"Neither can you," Olivia counters. "Why do we always assume change is a bad thing?"

"Noah certainly isn't," he insists.

"No, he's not," she agrees, her smile blossoming across her face. "I want him to know you."

"I want to know him," Elliot promises sincerely. "You're a great mom, I always knew you would be." _'They're wrong.'_

"Thank you," Olivia says simply, she doesn't have any other answer for him beyond that, it means a lot to her for him to hear him say that. Their eyes hold for a beat. Elliot breaks away first, taking the opportunity to change the subject. This time she lets him.

"You have any idea why Munch wants us all to meet?"

"Maybe he's finally retiring."

Elliot shakes his head. "Can you imagine Munch not working?"

"I try not to think about it," Olivia muses. "It'll be good."

"It will. Do you want me to pick you up on the way?" Elliot asks.

 **TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author Note – thank you for sticking with the story and all the reviews. Sorry for the delay, enjoy.**

No Place Like Home – chapter three

Olivia stood in front of the full length mirror. She sighs. Something was wrong with the image in front of her and she couldn't figure out what. Picking at an imaginary piece of fluff on her hip she sighs again. The sleeveless green dress is a closer fit than she had been favouring lately. The material flows over her, stopping just above her knee. Raising her hands, she lifts her hair to see how the outfit would look with a different hairstyle. She let it drop back into place and sighs again.

A drawer in the other bedroom scraps opens and she twists her head to listen as Noah rustles around in it, babbling to himself. Seconds later she hears him walking down the short corridor to her bedroom, humming quietly as he concentrates on carrying the bundle of clothes in his arms. Without looking at her he walks to her bed and launches the clothes on it before standing back proudly. Twisting to face her, he beams. "I got clo'es Mama."

Without waiting for her reply he starts tugging on his pyjamas, managing to undo the top two poppers before Olivia reaches him.

"No Noah, you're going to stay here with Lucy," she says crouching in front of him as her hands close over his to stop him from taking the top off.

"I go with Mama," Noah replies shaking his head while doing his best to wriggle out of his pyjamas.

Rather than struggle with him, she glances at her alarm clock and frowns. Lucy was running late. "Lucy is going to come and play soon," she reminds him but he shakes his head.

"No, I go with you."

Olivia sighs again. She hates arguing with him because he's stubborn and doesn't give up on an idea easily. It's worse when it's near bed time because he's already fighting sleep and it's easier for him to get frustrated. She wishes Lucy was here to distract him for her. "Do you want to read a story?"

Not bothering to say no, Noah shakes his head again. He turns his attention to the clothes he threw on the bed and grabs his trousers. He starts to lean down to try to put them on over his pyjama bottoms and she says a silent prayer for intervention. He manages to get one foot in but Olivia has to catch him when he stumbles with the other. With perseverance he begins to pull the trousers up and although she's proud of him for trying to dress himself, inwardly she cringes. She doesn't want him to have a complete meltdown when she leaves him with Lucy, that wouldn't be fair to her.

Thankfully her prayer is answered with a knock at the door. Divine intervention or not, she's grateful for anything. She quickly fastens his trousers over his pyjamas and scoops him up before he has a chance to snatch any more clothes. He gives an indignant cry and tries to lean over her shoulder for the bed but she holds him fast. "Let's go find out who's at the door Noah."

"Clothes Mama," he argues with a pout.

"In a minute little man," Olivia soothes but he huffs in resignation as his pout develops into a frown. Without pausing she walks quickly to the front door, hoping it's Lucy. She stops to look through the key hole and pauses. "He would be early today," she mutters as she pulls the door open for Elliot. "Hi," she breathes out.

"Hi," Elliot replies but makes no move to cross the threshold as their eyes meet and hold. His mouth drops open to say something but Noah breaks the moment.

"Hi," the little boy mimics lifting a hand to wave.

"Hi Noah," Elliot says with a small smile as he notices the trousers over the pyjamas. "Looks like someone wants to come out to dinner."

"He's decided to dress himself."

Lifting his gaze up to her face he must see her frustration and his expression takes on a hint of sympathy. He's dealt with his fair share of toddler tantrums. "Why don't I hang out with Noah while Mama gets ready, huh?" Elliot says to Noah rather than her.

"Thank you," Olivia replies in relief. Noah nods his head and begins to reach for Elliot but Olivia backs into the apartment.

"Not that you need it," Elliot adds dragging his eyes back up to hers. "You look beautiful."

Olivia blushes and takes another step back while gesturing for Elliot to follow her and Noah. "You look good too."

They reach the living room and Noah all but launches himself out her arms and into Elliot's. Thankfully, their reflexes are quicker than those of a squirming toddler and they manage to keep him from falling as they pass him.

"Lucy should be here soon and I just need to do my hair," she says as Noah settles into Elliot's arms.

"We'll be fine Liv," he assures her.

She casts one last look around the dimmed living room, the way she has it whenever she prepares Noah for bed, then throws one last grateful smile in Elliot's direction before retreating to her bedroom. Olivia doesn't shut the door behind her and she is relieved to hear the quiet chatter between her son and former partner. Noah sounds content and doesn't appear to be making any attempt to reclaim the clothes he threw on her bed. Olivia reaches for her hair brush and runs it through her locks, working the brush quickly as she pulls it into the style she wants.

They haven't spoken since Elliot left the other evening, he's been busy meeting with potential clients. She's had time to think about his announcement. Deep down, she was happy about it even if she shared some of his concerns about his return to the city. He obviously has expectations and she should be offended he assumes she will play into those expectations even if she's not quite clear what they are or why he's scared of them.

This part of their relationship causes her the most pain. Unlike being in the field with him or sitting across a desk from him when she could read his thoughts from his expression or body language, she doesn't know what he's thinking. They rarely needed many words to communicate. Their downfall was when they expected that easy understanding to transfer to their personal life. Doubt and fear reigned that part of their relationship. She couldn't let that happen now that she has Noah; she couldn't let him get too attached only to be heartbroken if it went wrong. Olivia wants to put it all down to not knowing what his intensions are but it's more of being scared of what her own reaction will be.

Olivia clips her hair up and checks the finished look, happier with it than she was before. She quickly changes the stud earrings for short dangling ones turning to the bed to grab the lace shawl only to find it is buried under Noah's clothes. Exhaling she folds them automatically, smiling at her son's antics. He was growing up quickly and developing his own personality, though there were times she wished he wasn't so cheeky or stubborn. Holding the small pile of clothes in one hand she picks up the shawl with the other.

Walking out into the living room, she pauses in the door way when she spots Noah and Elliot's sitting in the arm chair as her former partner reads a story. A small smile blossoms as she notes Noah is still wearing his trousers over his pyjamas. At least that was one thing neither of them were able to accomplish.

The scene tugs at her heart, their interaction was easy and natural. Noah sometimes shied away from new people; he took her lead on that. Elliot wasn't a total stranger when they met, Noah had gotten used to him over skype, but he was opening up to Elliot faster than she expected. Noah yawns and he snuggles deeper into Elliot's embrace. Elliot looks down at him and smiles before pressing a feather light kiss to the crown of Noah's head. She has no idea if she makes a sound but Elliot's eyes snap up to hers, his bright blue irises shining through the dim light.

"How'd you manage that?" She asks gently jutting her chin towards Noah who began to lazily leaf through the book on Elliot's lap.

"I asked him to show me his books and he gave me this one," Elliot replies simply as if it was nothing. "I didn't manage to convince him about the trousers though."

Olivia lifts the corner of her mouth. "He's determined."

"He's stubborn like his Mama," Elliot counters with a low rumbling laugh which doesn't disturb Noah. Olivia rolls her eyes and turns away to take Noah's clothes to his room. "Do you want me to bring him in there so he can lie down?"

"Please," she says over her shoulder.

She hears him rise and follow her. She turns down Noah's comforter and moves so Elliot can lay him down. As soon as he does Elliot moves out of the way so she can tuck her little boy in. She kisses him in the same place Elliot did moments ago and pulls the comforter over his chest. "Sweet dreams, Noah," she whispers. She switches the baby monitor on and turns away from the bed she finds Elliot watching them. "Thanks for that."

"It's not a problem," he promises. He seems like he's about to say more but is stopped by a key turning in the front door. Elliot leads the way as Olivia pulls the bedroom door to. They are met by Lucy who rushes into the apartment, her face flustered as she hastily takes her coat off.

"I'm so sorry Olivia, my car wouldn't start, so I called Sonny to give me a ride…" she rambled as the young detective followed her into the apartment, shutting the door behind him.

"Evening Lieutenant," Carisi calls as he stops behind Lucy, helping her when she gets her hair caught in her coat.

"Carisi," Olivia greets. "Don't worry about it Lucy, as long as you're okay." The young woman is still fretful so Olivia relents, "Noah's in bed, so Carisi can keep you company if you want."

"Are you sure?" Lucy replies, her face lighting up.

"Yes," Olivia replies. Then she notices Lucy and Carisi looking past her at Elliot. "Uh, Lucy, Carisi, this is Elliot Stabler, my old partner." They all exchange slightly awkward pleasantries. "We'll see you later because Munch will be wondering where we are."

When they shut the door behind them, Elliot asks, "Who's that?"

"The new guy."

….

They arrive at the restaurant twenty minutes later and quickly sit with their old team. After greeting each other warmly and ordering drinks, the curiosity over Munch's mysterious invitation.

"Okay man, why'd you summon us all here?"

At the head of the table Munch clears his throat and stands with glass in hand. He peers at each of them in turn over the rim of his tinted glasses. "As a team, we worked side by side for a decade and because of various circumstances we never got the chance to commemorate the end of that era." He pauses as everyone nods solemnly, remembering the quick departures.

"I must be getting sentimental in my old age but I think that's wrong. I felt like we needed to celebrate the past as well as the fact that the Unit is in the very capable hands of the newly appointed Sergeant Tutola," he raises his glass in Fin's direction and then towards Olivia as he continues. "And the newly appointed Lieutenant Benson."

Cragen and Elliot join in as the toast their former colleagues and clink glasses. "To Sergeant Tutola and Lieutenant Benson."

"And here's to what will hopefully be the start of a yearly reunion," Munch finishes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author Note – The fourth and final chapter, enjoy.**

No Place Like Home – chapter four

Olivia closes the door behind Lucy and Carisi as they walk down the hallway. She smiles lightly at their coy attempt at holding hands, trying and failing to ignore the slightly envious thought of why it's never been that easy for her. Her hand pauses over the lock and wonders whether to push it down or not. She usually does when she's on her own at night. She's not alone tonight. Her index finger brushes over it, pushes it down and she drops her hand before she has the chance to second guess herself.

Turning slowly, she faces Elliot as he stands at the opposite end of her living area with his hands stuffed in his pockets, looking lost and like he's not quite sure what to do. She's not even sure what to do. Save for the short car ride before dinner, they haven't been alone in the same room for a long time. She shouldn't be nervous but she is. Pushing herself forward she drops her gaze from his as she brushes past him to poke her head around Noah's door to check on her son. He's still sleeping soundly, like Lucy said he had been all night. Pulling the door ajar behind her, she returns to the living room only to avoid Elliot's gaze as she discards her shawl onto the kitchen counter.

"How is he?" Elliot asks thickly behind her.

"Still sleeping," she replies as she runs her hands over the material, flattening it as much as possible. The room feels thick with tension even though they spent an enjoyable evening with their former team. For once no one focused on what separated them rather they spent the evening catching up and reminiscing over fond memories. There had been nothing of the future or anything too probing.

"Is he a good sleeper?"

She cocks her head to the side but doesn't have the courage to completely face him. It's an ordinary question for parents to ask each other. She's even talked about Noah's sleep patterns with the other parents at day care. It's easier to talk about their kids than it is to start a conversation about themselves. He asked it the same way another parent would. Simple.

Yet, they have been anything but simple.

"He is since he stopped teething," Olivia replies. "Do you want a drink?"

Elliot shakes his head. "I'm good thanks, I have to drive back to the hotel." Pause. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine," she gives her default answer then feels him step up behind her. She shakes her head and finally turns to face him to halt his progression. Lifting her eyes to his she asks, "Why didn't you tell them you were moving back to New York?"

Elliot lifts his chin, his expression contorting into a frown as he draws his head back from the intimate incline it had been in when she turned to him. "It's none of their business."

"But it's mine?"

"Yeah," he shrugs as if it's obvious.

"Why? Because you might change your mind?"

"I'm coming back," he stresses out. "I didn't tell them because I didn't want to take focus away from tonight. They'll find out soon enough anyway."

She has no idea why she questioned his intent, it isn't even what's bothering her. She did wonder during dinner whether he would announce it to the others but he never did, even when they promised to try to make their reunion an annual event. Elliot takes half a step forward, breaking through her thoughts.

"What are you thinking about?"

Olivia rolls her eyes and folds her arms across her chest, her hands rubbing her bare arms lightly. She purses her lips, then draws her top lip between her teeth and gnaws it lightly as she watches him watch her. Once again she hates it's harder for them discuss this than it ever was for them to discuss a case.

"You said you didn't want to mess up my life," she declares quietly.

"And that still stands," he promises softy. He stares at her, his frown softening as he edges forward again. "What's bothering you?"

"I want to know what you meant by it."

"What do you mean?"

"What part of my life do you think you'll mess up? I mean it can't be work and _it_ won't be Noah," she pauses, meeting his eyes. "And I want to know why you're scared of it."

"Aren't you?"

His simple yet honest answer-come-question should annoy her. It doesn't because she would probably have said the same thing if their roles were reversed. It, coupled with his open expression, tells her everything she needs to know.

"There's nothing to disrupt," Olivia tells him. The truth is there's been no one since Brian. Noah has taken up most of her time since then and she's been content but sometimes she does get lonely after he's gone to bed and misses someone else there. "I don't know why you think you would."

"Just making sure, you're not exactly open when it comes to the people you're seeing."

"You blame me?" She scoffs, hoping it comes off as light hearted despite the uneasy memories the conversation is evoking. Thankfully, Elliot jumps on her attempt to temper the conversation.

"Nah, Munch can get protective," he jokes but it falls a little flat. They suck at this.

"Just Munch, huh?" Olivia retorts with a pointed look.

"Okay, Fin too," Elliot relents with a forced grin and she rewards him with a tight smile, which they both drop seconds later. He clears his throat loudly as he maintains steady eye contact. "You have to know if you were happy with any of them, I would have been happy for you."

"I know," she replies heavily.

"I would have been jealous and I probably wouldn't have liked any of them," he qualifies, his eyes steady on hers. She stares back, slightly shocked by the justification she's never needed for his behaviour towards any man who ever showed his attraction to her. It was just another thing they didn't talk about. "But I would have been happy for you."

"Why don't you think I was happy with them?" She frowns. He doesn't need or want any focus on his admission. She doesn't want to focus on it because it would blur her thoughts right now. Her aim is to keep the conversation moving and not get distracted by what-ifs.

"You never said anything."

"So wanting some privacy means I was unhappy?" Olivia asks rhetorically, her voice rising an octave. Elliot doesn't react, just waits for the rest of her answer. "We were in each other's lives, day in, day out, I wanted something for myself."

Elliot bobs his head. "That the real reason?"

He knows her too well and doesn't back down when she glares at him. She glances away, sways her body away from his slightly. "I didn't want anyone to question it," she admits quietly.

He knows her too well.

"Anyone?" He questions, bowing his head toward her, leaning into her personal space. "Including you?"

Olivia turns back to him. Their eyes link again. He isn't really questioning her, rather stating. He's too confident to be questioning, he just wants, needs, to hear it from her.

He knows her too well.

"Including me," she confirms with resolute nod.

He shakes his head.

"What?" Olivia asks, her head following his, trying to keep eye contact.

"Do we really need to interrogate each other about this?" He sighs.

"It's the only way we know," she says a small laugh escaping. "Probably the safest way."

He smiles sadly, wistfully.

"What do you want to happen when you come back to New York?"

"I don't-."

"Elliot," she stops him. She needs to hear him say it. "What do you want to happen?"

"I want…I want a lot of things."

"Elliot!" Olivia groans in exasperation. He laughs gently out of frustration rather than humour and his fingers curl around her elbow as she turns away from him. She shrugs him off lightly and lifts a hand to release the clip in her hair. She combs her fingers through the tresses and it settles on to her shoulders.

"This isn't easy Liv," Elliot says, his fingers return to her elbow and turn her gently.

"I know that," she agrees. "But we've known each other for nearly eighteen years and if you want things to change, you need to tell me."

"I _do_ want things to change."

' _This is absurd,'_ she thinks to herself.

Elliot gestures between them. "We finally figured out how to be friends without it being awkward and I don't want _that_ to change when I move back." Elliot shakes his head. "I shouldn't have said anything."

Olivia watches him as he moves back and leans against the back of the sofa, his hand dropping from her arm. "No," she assures him. "I'm glad you told me. It's just a lot of…"

"Pressure," Elliot finishes for her.

"Yeah," she breathes out. He watches her for a moment, a smile growing on his face. "What?"

"Nothing," he waves her off then rethinks it. "Maybe that's where we're going wrong, thinking about what _could_ go wrong."

"We would be different people if we didn't."

"We're different from the people we used to be."

"We are," Olivia agrees, almost sadly.

She likes her life now, but sometimes she yearns for the way things were when they were working together, before everything got complicated. She misses the early years when no one wondered if they were anything other than partners, when neither one of them wondered if they were anything more than partners. More than once she put their attraction down to their intense work, hoping it was nothing more than a consequence of mutual understanding but then if that was true that attraction would have phased out after years of not working together and thinking of missed opportunities wouldn't cause her heart to ache. She can't go through that again.

"Whatever happens, I can't wait for you. Not again."

Elliot stares back at her. Her omission more revealing than she intended it to be, it's more than she's said before, more than he ever has. She knows giving him that kind of ultimatum is a gamble. She hates having to push him in to a spur of the moment decision which could risk everything. But she needs to know. She hopes she's expressing what amounts to a brave face to support her brave words, but she knows there's a part of her that would wait, their instinctual connection which is deeper than their friendship or attraction deserves perseverance even if it's never rewarded.

Elliot pushes off of the back of the sofa and stops in front of her. His face unreadable. She steps back but is stopped by the counter behind her. Their height difference makes it seem like he's looming over her, the air thick with nervous energy. She tilts her face up and she stares into his eyes for a long beat.

"I want a chance not to screw up again," he tells her quietly, dropping his head closer to hers.

She doesn't answer, just lifts up to touch her lips to his.


End file.
